How to Get Over Depression When a Relationship Fails

Monday, March 30, 2009

If you’ve never had your heart broken, consider yourself lucky, because from where I stand, it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. You feel like your life is over and that you just cannot go on. There are times when you just sit like a zombie devoid of any kind of emotion and others when you find yourself crying like your world has come to an end. You either find yourself without an appetite, or you go to the other extreme and binge on comfort foods like ice cream and chocolate. Depression sets in, and you feel like you’ll never ever be happy again. But that’s where you’re wrong; there is life after a failed relationship, and the sooner you realize this, the better it is for your mental health. It’s all up to you though; if you are willing to make the effort, here’s how you can beat depression and get back in your groove again:

• Throw yourself into a favorite activity: If there’s something you love doing, throw yourself into the activity with your whole heart. If you love sports, spend more time on the field or the court; if you love books, read whenever you begin to feel depressed; if you love to socialize, get out and party; short of resorting to alcohol and drugs to keep your spirits up, do whatever it takes to keep you happy.
• Surround yourself with loved ones: Family and friends are a great source of comfort during times like this, so spend as much time as you can with the ones who truly understand you and are not judgmental. It’s an added advantage if there are kids around because they make you feel happy with their innate enthusiasm and zest for life.
• Keep busy: The fastest way to get over the feelings of sadness and depression following a failed relationship is to throw yourself into work. The busier you are, the easier it is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and pull yourself together again. If you know that you have to be at work early the next day, you’re not going to drink yourself into a stupor the night before. You begin to accept responsibility for your actions when you know your livelihood depends on it.
• Don’t beat yourself up: No matter why the relationship failed, even if it’s your fault, don’t blame yourself too much. It’s time to move forward, not look backward and perform post mortems on a dead relationship. The longer you dwell on the past, the harder it is going to be to begin a new life.
• Don’t go back: Yes, you will find yourself missing the other person and longing for their company; you will crave to call them and hope for a reconciliation; and you will look for them at places you used to frequent and wish for a reunion. Believe me, it’s not a good idea to try to get back with someone who’s just broken up with you. For one, you leave yourself open to hurt all over again, and for another, you’re never going to move forward if you don’t let go.

Getting over a relationship takes time, so don’t expect miracles to happen overnight. Be patient, but at the same time, be strong.

By-line:

This article is contributed by Sarah Scrafford, who regularly writes on the topic of online radiography schools. She invites your questions, comments and freelancing job inquiries at her email address: sarah.scrafford25@gmail.com.


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22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have been having alot of troubles letting go. Having pressure from family and blaming myself on everything. Worst still, I am actually "stalking" in the sense that I am constantly viewing his online profile, perform searches on his name, created a fake profile to see what he is up and many more. I think I am going crazy. It is not my nature to do these kind of stuff.

Supporter said...

Many of us had a stuff like that someday
Give yourself the option to resist and just use this negative energy for being someone who have the right to live..
Feel free to contact me
abo.elyosr@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

I just came out of a failed relationship and I feel terrible. Although I am finding myself to be surprisingly resilient (don't stalk him, have maintained my pride as much as possible), I find reminders of him everywhere, I feel stupid for giving myself to someone who had so little to give. Worst of all, I am seeing a terrible pattern in my relationships where I give too much of myself to someone, they pull back, say they need to think things over, blah blah blah, I get dumped, I get over it, and they come running back to me. By that point I don't want them anymore. But it's making me lose my faith in men, I don't understand why even the best of them are always looking for greener pastures and have the maturity of 12 year olds, I'm really starting to think they are all dogs. In the future I don't think I will ever again settle until the "good faithful girlfriend" role until I get married. Frankly, I am tired of being taken for granted and will ensure keeping my options open and not being tied down to any more committed relationships without seeing real signs of unselfishness from the other person first. I feel terrible about it because I am a very loyal person at the core, but do not see the point in giving anyone the benefit of my trust anymore.

Supporter said...

Dear little pure heart..
your story is the story of life itself, the story of predestination, and you should be in the rank of your destiny.
you may be right on the part of regretting your easy falling last time, but you are largely not right on the part of closing your heart with a decayed lock..
My Dear good-hearted,, you just have two options, the first is to still on the sky of hope, the second is to jump at the ground of desperation. and this is regrettably what you are about to do!!
Close your eyes and just ask your heart this simple question:
Can you desist from hope??
And.... tell me what was his answer :)
I am looking forward to have more about you ^^
abo.elyosr@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

I am dealing with my 3rd failed relationship in my five year old military career. The reasons for the breakups are uniform across the spectrum. The military takes me away from home and they get lonely and seek comfort in someone else's arms. The latest one was my longest relationship ever. 2 years and I thought she was going to be my wife. We had our future children's names picked already. I got orders overseas and she broke up with me saying that she needs me to be home, and not halfway across the world. She started dating someone else and I constantly regret my decision to stay in the military. I often find myself crying myself to sleep. I sit at work and do not want to do anything productive. I begged and pleaded with my superiors in an attempt to get my orders changed so that I would not have to leave the U.S. but my pleas fell on deaf ears. I have become convinced that the military does not care about anyone's personal life and that this job which I once loved has proven itself to be the cause of my failed relationships and now my depression. I have no desire to make friends here and do not see the point in even trying to have anymore relationships as long as I am in the military, as they will most likely fail too. I used to call myself "Marine" with great pride, but it now comes with pain. I cannot seem to get out of this slump, even though I volunteer for every activity that takes me away from my place of work and engages me in other productive activities. During the day if I am actively engaged in something that takes my mind off of my constant failures with women, then my mood is somewhat elevated. But once I go home for the day I sit in my room and stare at the wall wondering why I bother serving anymore. I find myself filled with regret and doubt as to wether I will ever find a woman who respects what I do and would be willing to go with me where the military sends me. I feel like as long as I serve, I will never be happy. Even as I write this I am using every bit of my strength to hold back tears. Big bad Marine, huh? I know that talking to someone can help but who can I talk to when the people around me are either in good relationships, married, and are the kind of people who chastize crying? I don't know what to do anymore. I haven't cracked a geniune smile in over a year since she left me. I used to feel like I was doing something great and meaningful and respected but I have come to find out that it simply isn't good enough. I feel like I am just not good enough to have a lasting, meaningful relationship.

Anonymous said...

I'm going through a very difficult time in my life...again!
When I was 21 yrs old I left my partner of 6 yrs because he was caught with another girl. I was very hurt, angry and to keep my pride I vowed never to go back to him no matter what...well... I ended up trying to work on the relationship and it didn't work. I fogave him but I could forget. A year later I dated his friend. He was a great guy and about 8 mths later he started to try and conrol me. I didn't listen so he broke it off and I moved on. 4 mths later I met my future husband. He was everything I wanted in a man. We dated for 3 yrs and got married in 2007. After a year into our marriage he went out and got drunk and slept with my co worker. I left for awhile and only to return with anger. Again I tried to forgive and forget but I was back to square one. So we called it quits. I than went back to the controlling guy only to find out he lied when he said he changed. He broke up with me again and here iam spilling my guts to you all because I feel trapped and going in circles. I miss my husband so much and think about him everyday, I tried talking to him about 6 mths ago only to find out he fell in love with someone else and they are expecting there first child next year. I feel like I made a huge mistake not letting go of the hurt my husband caused and tried to make it work. I feel so depressed being alone so I jump right into another relationship and I always end up getting hurt. What do I do?

J said...

Without killing yourself by these old memories, you have to forgot and start again from zero point. I read your story, and for your surprise It wasn't the first time reading a story like this, and every single time finding the solution is not so hard, may be the act of doing it would have this issue of hardness!
You want to know what to do? ok just go on with your life, AND you'd better understand this quote "searching for love is like searching for troubles.. waiting for love is like waiting for a wave to take u down and sink the only way is to ignore love,when u do that u will find the right one..or maybe the right one will find u
" That was better than any words I can say.
END!!

Anonymous said...

I have the same feeling right now, I feel like someone is tightly squeezing my heart.....I've been depressed before and I know that the sun will soon come up the horizon and I will be able to move on.....but for know I will fight on. Being depressed doesn't get you anywhere.

Anonymous said...

I'm in the same boat. Just out a failed relationship, chest is tight, out of breath doing routine activities. I understand it'll pass. There are many, many people who have gone through what I'm going through and come out the other end happier and healthier than ever. Knowing that helps me out.

Anonymous said...

But I can barely breathe, literally. My lungs and my heart have been ripped out and crushed. It feels as if I will never move on.. Five years. Five whole years that I thought to be the happiest of my life were a lie. And yet I still love him more than myself.. In fact.. I hate myself for losing him. I need help. I really do. I'm trying to get over it. I really am.. But I don't know how much longer I can take this.

Anonymous said...

I just recently got dumped by the girl I thought was going to marry, and me (being the unstable person as it is) tried to kill myself, but I couldn't do it...I feel like my heart keeps getting ripped out when i think of her...I've tried not thinking of her, but when I try not to is when I think of her most...

Ryan said...

Its true that when you put so much into a relationship that and it fails and you feel as if you lost part of yourself in the other person. Because of this you naturally try to find that which you lost, but people forget its not the other person... its yourself. You only truly get over someone when you find yourself again. Keep strong.

WILLIAM said...

ME AND MY X BROKE UP 3 MONTH AGO I HAVE PROBLEM LETTING HIM GO THE BADNESS IS THAT I KEEP SLEEPING AND I REALLY CANT REMEMBER MY HOUSE I MISS HIM SOO MUCH I STILL GOT HIS T-SHIRT AND SHOE WAT TO DO SOO I CAN START DANCING AGAIN AND BE HAPPY I MESS MYSELF UP BY BEATING MYSELF LETTING DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE SEX HELP ME

Anonymous said...

I just left my partner of a year and a half.
We had lots of troubles of different kinds both having kids and being married before Him having asperges and yet he was my favourite friend of all time. But one day he lost his temper and pushed me around bruising different parts of my arms and face, He had threatened to do it before with air punches, said it was my fault for confusing him and making him so stressed. hmmm ? Such a nice guy in so many ways generous affectionate helpful supportive , but cannot handle stress at all. Blames everyone else for his actions when hes under stress. I love my friend deeply and I am carrying huge amunts of pain around but THIS TIME, THE HEAD MUST RULE NOT THE HEART>

akshaya said...

Life is very hard on me right now.
My parent don't love from my kid and i have been left all lone in my life.
After all the fight in my family i got my degree worked very hard for It.
I have a sister who is all the time blaming me for her failures of life. SO has given a wrong notion about me to my family member and every one loves her.
So seeing all these things i decided to leave my house and stay alone from my family which very difficult in the beginning ,but later i got a job which made me forget all my problems. After 3 years i speak to parents and i get to know that my sister is in love with a guy who cheated me in the name of love, today in spite of me telling all my family people about the guy's behavior , my sister comes to me and says that i m not supposed to get into her personal life which is hurting me very badly. That guy too is doing the same .I am now feeling very bad.
All the BAD wins.But the family is saying that they will not get her married to him, I am lost i my own world, today i don,'t even have family to share my feeling, no friends, no relatives, i don't feeling like doing anything, i have one best friend but he is not in station currently, i have already told him all this things , he is saying to forget. But i am not able to that fellow has hurt y feelings very badly.He is a big flirt he was their with me for 8 years and now my sister is saying that she loves him for 5 years, my mother went and spoke to him as well , he said that he is not interested in my sister, I am totally died . I don't want that guy to come to concentrate on my office work which is not happing
and lot of other things going wrong .
I hate my sister for what ever she is done to my for my whole life time, and this guy who is playing in both the sisters life.

Anonymous said...

I was in a relationship.. Broke up last year.. Tried and gott over with it.. But after that I feel so lonely.. And keep calling people and keep myself busy..which didn't worrk too long.. People got irritated with me.. I'm depressed so much.. Don't feel like even gettingg into a new relationship.. What to do??

Anonymous said...

well,I've fallen head over heels in love with a guy and I recently gt to know that he likes my friend a lot.!I think there is no other way but to get over him and move in life.! but often I feel tempted to contact him.!
I havent expressed my love for him but I guess he knows my feelings for him but he had never asked me about it.! I dont want to lose my pride by expressing my love to him as I know that he loves my friend way too much.! I think I'm going crazy

Anonymous said...

I went through a divorce after being with someone for 20 years - since I was a teenager. The first guy I met swept me off my feet, wanted to have a baby with me and promised and told me everything I wanted to hear. We were only together a short time and he kept asking "why aren't you pregnant yet?" 3 months later I'm pregnant. We are both happy, then his life starts falling apart - lost his house and he moves in with me. Then the repo man is coming after his vehicles, creditors and irs calling him left and right. Once he moved in with me and I was pregnant he began to treat me completely differently, didn't seem to care much about me and completely disrespected me and my house that I own. Then 4 months into my pregnancy I see love note texts to his ex, the way he used to talk to me. She was with someone else and told me he has been doing that for years, also warned me of how abusive he is emotionally to women. I was prego and always had my dream of having a family, so I stuck it out. The lies continued. He lost his job and lived off of me for over a year while I was pregnant, and after I had baby... and really didn't seem to b looking for work - but always had to b somewhere. Then he got a job in a restaurant. Couldn't get in touch w him one night, called the restaurant and rhe said he quit his job 3 months ago! I asked him what he was doing and why would he do that to me when I really needed some relief and help with our infant who had colic. Never gave me any explanation. The abuse continues to go on and on. I can't even leave my child with him ever now to get a break or even take a shower as he is so irresponsible he almost killed him last week from being negligent. So. I've broken up with him for the 15 th time. All I feel is depressed, alone, scared, and empty. I feel like I'm so busy working and taking care of baby I will never meet anyone. And he doesn't help financially so I feel even more scared. I get so sad and I let him know how I'm feeling and he is emotionally unavailable. He won't talk to me about anything unless it has a pleasant subject matter- says it's unproductive. He blames me for everything. I live him still as he is the father of my child, and want to work it out... but he's just a compulsive liar and narcissist and I can never discuss anything important with him. My feelings don't seem to matter. So I lay here at night, every night since he has been gone... so sad and alone. Missing him. Don't know how to get over this.

Anonymous said...

We broke up everytime we fight. Vulgarities, critism, sarcasm, threatened, being told off. All spit and shoved at me. When we make up, never really had a real apolgy session. Like a silent apology by going out and spending time. Its been 4 years plus and counting. Sometime I become so numb, when I try to lift it up, it really really hurts until I get palpitations, dizziness and breathlessness. Not exagerated.. Sometimes I really want him gone, by the next day or two I want him back. At times I really want him gone for making my life so miserable. 6 months into our engagement. I seriously do not know where this is going. My heart loves him, but my brains says cannot love him. I just want him to change his reactions and response when we fight. Not just blow his top at me over the slightest things like I am having a bad day at work and when he meets me , my face look like shit and he has to get irritated and scold me for not appreciating him meeting me. It really hurts and he does not care! Its few minutes into 2012 (my timezone) and look how i am starting my 2012. How sad.

Anonymous said...

Never in my life do i feel so sad, i split up with my ex about a year ago after we got into an argument, she made a racist remark and i slapped her ( Never hit a girl in my life might i add) we split up immediately after and since then i feel lost hurt and empty inside , lets say nothing hurts the way this does, i urge and crave so much just to see her call her and all i think about is holding her in my arms , yeah people say get over it but trust me its much harder than said. I know that in my heart she was my everything i hate myself so much for what i did and i cant seem to ever just let her go , i aslo know that she has been and split up fom another relationship since me but i still love her with all my heart and day by day it tears me up worse that the day before. I suffer from a major depresive order and this just does not help even when i think of bad things that happened i still cant seem to let her go . If You ever see this Lainey im so sorry and i love u always and forever until my dying days xx S

Anonymous said...

I broke off a 6 year long distance relationship about 6 weeks ago and I feel so depressed. We went on a trip together, which was awful, and ended with us in a huge fight. We tried to remain friends but he recently told me since the breakup he has been sleeping with a few other girls. He told me they were not like me at all and he already told all of them he had no interest in pursuing a relationship with them. But I was very hurt about it. So when he asked if I was seeing someone else I lied and told him that I was.

Now we barely speak anymore for the exception of once in awhile on the messenger. I feel incomplete without him in my life and feel my universe is destroyed. He was there when I was going through a bad divorce, we used to talk all the time--he was my lover and my best friend over the past 6 years and now I have nobody! I am not even interested in dating and meeting anyone new and the thought of him with other girls crushes me.

I have been on antidepressants since last year for my bipolar disorder and now I feel they are not working. I break down in tears every single day, I have lost my appetite, I don't find joy in anything. I have actually been feeling suicidal because I just want the pain to end, but I would never do that since I have children from my previous marriage and I would not do that to them. But it hurts so badly, I sometimes feel like I can't go on.

My friends tell me he is not worth it and to move on, but that is easier said than done. I think about him all the time, it consumes me!

Anonymous said...

I'm going through a rough time, my husband of 14 years decided that he doesn't want to show me affection, we not even sleeping in the same bedroom, no communication, expect when it's about the kids.We've been talking about divorce, but it never happens maybe because i'm to scared to be alone, that no one will love me?This is going on for almost three years. I know that there were others, i have read his mails to them. he says that it's only flirts. He says that he loves me, but how can he? when he doesn't even want to look at me talk to me or even touch me, his always on his phone, always the same time every night. I know what to do, but how to do it is my problem..i need to put myself first, love myself first, get over him...if someone could please help me!! I'm so lonely, sad always in tears...i don't want to be like that anymore.

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